It always makes me sad when I read expert opinions about Four’s and their perpetual longing. They state that we focus too much on what is missing in our lives or that which is unattainable and therefore keep longing for it indefinitely.
And it gets worse: ‘and when the seemingly unattainable is nevertheless reached, Fours start longing for something else they don’t have and lose interest in the ‘attained’.’
Well aren’t we a sad bunch!
Some experts even dare to suggest that Four’s should learn to let go of that behavior, because we will step into a downward spiral and risk severe depression (or eventually suicide)
Well if anything, I get depressed by this explanation of the Four. It sells us short.
I know that in Buddhist terms ‘desire causes suffering’. I can see how that is true but I also see why it isn’t. Don’t you need desire to get somewhere, to change your job, move house, leave a no good relationship? It is the desire and longing for an ideal situation that moves us forward.
We’re Romantics, people need us Fours to show them that life, love or a situation can be better, more beautiful and more intense. When there’s no desire, no longing, how can there be any evolution? Didn’t the swallow long to be faster so it could catch the fastest insects? Didn’t the bee desire to find a bigger flower with more pollen so it wouldn’t have to fly so much?
If we didn’t have desires we would still be hanging in trees eating bananas. I believe that it is the Four’s job to show others that there is an ideal situation that can be worked towards, never mind on which level that ideal is. And yes, it is our job to romanticize that ideal for others and encourage them to go in that direction.
Fours get pissed off when people accuse them of living in La-La land. Please don’t tell us to stop our longing or our romanticizing. It is what makes us tick. It is what we are good at. That’s why we’re here. The world needs us for this.
I am curious how other Fours handle their longing. Do leave a comment!