Thanks for writing so openly about the unhealthy enneagram 4, roseforaheart. Your story really helps me getting clear about my own unhealthy behavior.
For those who don’t know what that means for 4’s: it is the mental state in which bitterness takes over from the love of life. This usually is a gradual process, but sometimes 4’s hit rock bottom… and they hit it hard. (That’s the suicidal part.) We look at the world as if there is nothing left to live for anymore. Because everything seems loveless, ugly, negative, without feelings. And we ARE feelings. To the core of our cells.
Fortunately I have climbed out of darkness and are finally feeling good about life in general. Pretty weird, since I am only too aware of all that is wrong with the world. Enter the Romantic 4…
Us Romantics are in love with love. We like to feel special (as does the Human Design Projector) and we are constantly longing for that special love that will swipe us off our feet so we can live happily ever after. We love the highs and detest the lows. And therein lies the danger for 4’s. ‘But it’s not possible to always experience highs,’ I hear you say. Correct. But my heart needs them. Desperately. I can only think of the good things I want for me or for the world (or for the people around me). And I want it so bad, that when I don’t get it, bitterness is on the horizon.
Although I fell into the bitterness trap many times, I now am convinced that promoting the good is what a 4 needs to do. We must not let the overly rational or negative world get to us. That doesn’t mean that we don’t need to acknowledge everything that is bad. I think 4’s need to accept that there is a bad world out there. But acceptance does not mean that we have to bury ourselves all alone in our caves and die of a broken heart. No! It is the other way around. We need to tell and show the world that feelings, love, connection, nature, art, music etc. are WORTH LIVING FOR. And with a vengeance I would say! 🙂
There are too few Romantics/Idealists speaking out for what they think is worth living for. And yes, because we let the negative get to us. Yes I can cry about the DAPL pipeline and all the people at Standing Rock, yes I get extremely angry about the new American president (which isn’t even mine!) , yes I cry about plastic soup in the oceans… and so on. BUT: there are people who are doing great things and a 4 needs to be one of those. A 4 needs to emphasize what is good and how the world can be a better place to live in, or how relationships can improve, or how daily life can improve. Spread good news, highlight the positive. BE THE ROMANTIC! OWN IT!
I know it isn’t easy, trust me I’ve been there. And it’s hard to listen to others who accuse us of living in La La Land. But you know, we are of this world. And there is a reason for that. We might not have been loved enough when we were young, we might have felt to be an outsider. At one point we might have concluded that we were ‘un-loveable’ and therefore needed to stop living. But the opposite is true. We need to live because the world needs our feelings, our idealistic view, our dreams. As the Yang needs the Yin. We are needed!
Turn your personal Romantic 4 views of life into something. Work with other people’s feelings, support organizations that promote a better cleaner world, make a better world for others, for animals, make art, sing, dance, liven up the world! Make it more beautiful!
Because in the process of doing so, we will learn to love ourselves…. and you guessed it…. only then will we be truly loved. When we expose bitterness, we attract bitterness. When we dare to expose our authentic deeply loving nature, others will resonate with that.